crack

your heart

open

Advertisements

dear body

dear body

when did i lose sight of your beauty

when did i first start to think that i needed to

fix you

flatten you

mold you

shave you

change you

after all those years of

depriving you

abusing you

ignoring you

here we are

i am listening

i celebrate you for you are a vessel carrying the most precious passenger

i find joy in your softness and curves

i find peace through your movements

i wear your new tiger stripes with pride as your skin stretches and expands

i once wished for you to be small

and now i want you to be big

i want to you to grow and take up space

you have a whole world inside of you and i want to you look like it

dear body

you are a fucking miracle

and i promise to never forsake you again

24 Weeks

This week has been hard. Constipation, heartburn, nausea, vomiting, exhaustion. Today some of that lifted and I was able to get on my mat. I felt the tension melting out of my shoulders. I felt my scattered, frantic mind come to a place of calm. I felt my tight low back and hips begin to relax. Even after all this time I am in awe of what just a few minutes of yoga can do. I am reminded that it is my tether to the earth. Keeping me grounded. Keeping me in my body. Preventing my thoughts from carrying me away. I am so grateful for this practice that has guided me for the past 9 years, for the ground I stand on, and for our baby girl.

she is wild

she is wild

with untamed hair

and amber eyes

and scars that tell her story

she carries within her

the power to create

and the power to destroy

her tears are rivers

and her joy is the sun

warming those in need of light

at night

she dreams of wolves

and talks to the moon

by day

she walks barefoot through the forest

she is flesh and bones

and fire and earth

she is guided by the rhythm of her

heartbeat

she is me

and you

and every woman

and we were not meant to be

bridled

so shake off your chains love

and step into your strength

for you are fierce

and the world needs you wild

Photo by Danielle Vengrove

22 Weeks

Each week of pregnancy brings new learning. Whether it is adjusting to my ever changing body, or crossing items off the to do list, there is always something new to discover.

This week I learned about pregnancy heartburn. One night I ate pasta with tomato sauce (one of my comfort foods) too close to bedtime. At 2:00 am I was awakened by searing heartburn. The acidic tomato sauce had turned to hot lava in my pregnant stomach. Heartburn is not something I typically deal with in my daily life but I quickly learned how uncomfortable it is. I moved to the couch so I could prop myself up and took some Tums but nothing brought relief. The burning sensation eventually lead me to the place where I spent most of my first trimester- with my head in the toilet. Around 4:00 am I ate a banana in hopes of settling my stomach and thankfully it worked. Lesson learned- pregnancy and tomato sauce are not a good mix.

Luckily I have not had many nights like that one, because although I am not nearly as exhausted as I was during my first trimester, my body is still craving so much sleep. This past weekend I found myself sleeping 10 hours each night, and napping for an hour and a half each day. Pregnancy continues to be a lesson in slowing down and giving my body the rest it is asking for.

In between naps I was able to work on our baby registry. Compiling the list of what we need for the baby can be a bit overwhelming! There are so many options and as a first time mom I find myself obsessively researching every single item. (How can you tell which changing pad is best? They all look exactly the same!) We made some great progress this week and picked out a travel system (stroller/car seat combo), a breast pump, and a diaper bag. As I continue to learn I would love to hear from you about your favorite baby products! Especially for apartment living. I find recommendations from real people so much more meaningful than online reviews and “best of 2018” lists.

Even with heartburn, fatigue, and endless baby gear I still love being pregnant. I am so sure that this is exactly where I am supposed to be at this moment in my life. As I write this I can feel my little girl moving inside of me and I am reminded of how truly blessed I am.

Today I am grateful for the constant support of my husband, the first signs of spring, and sleep.